Happy New Year…Cheers to Cranberry Juice and Coffee

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.

There is something natural about the desire to start anew.  To start fresh.  To begin something with a clean slate.  A new calendar year gives us an invitation to do so.  

Maybe we have been resisting a change, maybe we want to try something new, or maybe the new year gives us the courage to finally get serious about something that we have ignored in the past.  There is a lot of grace in any and all of those things and I hope that each and every one of you have the courage to make this new year what you want it to be.

For me, this new year is all about peace.  

The last six months of 2019 were monumental.  After finding ourselves moving back to the States from Switzerland, it has felt like I have been stuck in the middle of a tornado.  One thing that I have realized is just how much I had underestimated the power of culture.  Consequently, I underestimated the small things that a lot of times go unnoticed but certainly affect the way we view ourselves, others, life, and God.

Being immersed in a different culture for 4 1/2 years, (which took at least six months to adapt to as well), you gain an appreciation towards those things that provide an opportunity to grow as person in a humane way.  That said, you also appreciate being able to see the things that can strip your ability to be kind to yourself and others.  The things that often times go unnoticed but can give birth to anxiety, divisiveness, and can become the seeds to the fertile grounds of losing ourselves.

I do believe that the first step in finding peace is to be grateful.  I am truly grateful for both cultures, both countries, the good and not so healthy things in both.  It was never a competition as to what culture was “better”, it was and is an appreciation for how different they are.  A difference that I have certainly felt in the last six months.

I have been asked countless times about what it is like to be back in the States, and for whatever reason, two instances come to mind.  Instances that on the surface seem very mundane and ordinary, yet have struck me in profound ways.

The first occasion happened a week or so after our return.  I went to the local grocery store to find cranberry juice for one of my boys.  After a few minutes roaming the store looking for the correct aisle, I began to make my way down the juice aisle unprepared for my anxiety level to climb with every step.  The aisle was filled from one end to the other with juice, nothing but juice, so I thought it would be helpful to begin my search by color.  After finally locating the “red” juices, my search turned to that of labels, only to find every single “cran-somethingorother” label other than cranberry.  Somewhere between the cran-apple and the cran-grape I was almost run over by a very committed woman looking for tomato juice.  (I was completely at fault here looking like a deer in headlights and obviously in her way, and I understand completely her commitment in the face of this aisle).  At this point my anxiety was through the roof and I began to sweat a bit.  Finally, after what seemed to be an hour, I had found the cranberry juice, only to realize that I had 45 different makes to choose from.  Nonetheless, It was a very intense day for me in the juice aisle.  

The second example happened one day when I was waiting rather impatiently for my Amazon Nespresso delivery.  (I am a non-apologetic coffee snob).  After 4 1/2 years of not having the ability to receive deliveries from Amazon, as they are not allowed to deliver to Switzerland, the new found ability to sit in my house, order something, and have it delivered the next day was amazing.  Yet on this particular day, it was 11:45 A.M. and they promised me that I would have my coffee by 11:30 A.M.  (Granted, at this point I already had my coffee for the day and had enough for the next day as well).  Nevertheless, there I was, wondering what was wrong with these people that I hadn’t received my Nespresso for the next three weeks on time.  How quickly my mindset had changed.  From zero expectations to very high expectations.  From the inability to have a service and being ok with it, (I didn’t even miss it) to becoming someone I didn’t really enjoy very much because I had access to it.

What struck me about these two circumstances was not whether inherently having 45 different options of cranberry juice or being able to get Amazon deliveries the next day were somehow wrong or an indictment of the culture.  Heck I should have ordered cranberry juice on Amazon and it would have saved me an intense trip to the juice aisle.  Rather, what struck me was what was happening to me, underneath the surface, as I relate to those circumstances.  For somewhere below my consciousness, in the quietness of my psyche, anxiety had slowly begun to set in.

As a result, over the last few months I have tried to pay attention to those quiet little circumstances.  The circumstances that happen everyday and seem very mundane but like a slow drip have the ability to give birth to a mindset that can erode peace.  

All of it has made me wonder.

In the face of excess, how does it affect my ego and therefore what I think I deserve?  How do my expectations of that excess create demands of myself and others in an unrealistic and unhealthy way?  Especially if those expectations tap into the slippery slope of perfectionism which undermines my desire to see myself realistically as well as others mercifully?

As I strive for peace in the new year, I know that it starts with gratitude.  That said, gratitude seems to be the result of when vulnerability is allowed to flourish.  The more I can see myself as I am, someone who is a bit of a mess and ok with it, the more I am grateful for those things that get me through.  

Faith, beauty, people, and coffee. 🙂  

Happy New Year.  

(If you see me wondering frantically in the grocery store I would very much welcome your help,  Merci.)