Happy New Year…Cheers to Cranberry Juice and Coffee

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.

There is something natural about the desire to start anew.  To start fresh.  To begin something with a clean slate.  A new calendar year gives us an invitation to do so.  

We may have been resisting change, we may want to try something new, or the new year may finally give us the courage to take action on something we have ignored. There is a lot of grace in any of those things, and I hope you dare to make this new year what you want it to be.

For me, this new year is all about peace.  

The last six months of 2019 were monumental.  After we moved back to the States from Switzerland, it felt like I was stuck in a tornado.  One thing that I have realized is just how much I had underestimated the power of culture.  Consequently, I underestimated the small things that often go unnoticed but certainly affect how we view ourselves, others, life, and God.

Being immersed in a different culture for 4 1/2 years (which took at least six months to adapt to), you gain an appreciation towards those things that provide an opportunity to grow as a person in a humane way.  You also appreciate seeing what can strip your ability to be kind to yourself and others.  The things that oftentimes go unnoticed can give birth to anxiety and divisiveness and can become the seeds of the fertile ground for losing ourselves.

The first step in finding peace is to be grateful.  I am truly thankful for both cultures, both countries and the good and not-so-healthy things in both.  It was never a competition as to what culture was “better”; it was and is an appreciation for how different they are.  A difference that I have certainly felt in the last six months.

I have been asked countless times what it is like to be back in the States, and for whatever reason, two instances come to mind.  On the surface, they seem very mundane and ordinary, yet they have struck me in profound ways.

The first occasion happened a week or so after our return.  I went to the local grocery store to find cranberry juice for one of my boys.  After a few minutes of roaming the store looking for the correct aisle, I began to make my way down the juice aisle, unprepared for my anxiety level to climb with every step.  The aisle was filled from one end to the other with nothing but juice, so I thought it would be helpful to begin my search by color.  After finally locating the “red” juices, my search turned to that of labels, only to find every single “cran-somethingorother” label other than cranberry.  Somewhere between the cran-apple and the cran-grape, I was almost run over by a very committed woman looking for tomato juice.  (I was entirely at fault here for looking like a deer in headlights and obviously in her way, and I understand entirely her commitment in the face of this aisle).  At this point, my anxiety was through the roof, and I began to sweat a bit.  Finally, after what seemed to be an hour, I had found the cranberry juice, only to realize that I had 45 different makes to choose from.  Nonetheless, It was a very intense day for me in the juice aisle.  

The second example happened one day when I waited impatiently for my Amazon Nespresso delivery.  (I am a non-apologetic coffee snob).  After 4 1/2 years of being unable to receive deliveries from Amazon, as they are not allowed to deliver to Switzerland, the newfound ability to sit in my house, order something, and have it delivered the next day was amazing.  Yet on this particular day, it was 11:45 A.M., and they promised me that I would have my coffee by 11:30 A.M.  (Granted, at this point, I already had my coffee for the day and had enough for the next day as well).  Nevertheless, there I was, wondering what was wrong with these people: I hadn’t received my Nespresso for the next three weeks.  How quickly my mindset had changed.  From zero expectations to very high expectations.  From the inability to have a service and being okay with it (I didn’t even miss it) to becoming someone I didn’t enjoy very much because I had access to it.

What struck me about these two circumstances was not whether inherently having 45 different options of cranberry juice or being able to get Amazon deliveries the next day were somehow wrong or an indictment of the culture.  Heck, I should have ordered cranberry juice on Amazon, and it would have saved me an intense trip to the juice aisle.  Instead, what struck me was what was happening underneath the surface as I related to those circumstances.  For somewhere below my consciousness, in the quietness of my psyche, anxiety had slowly begun to set in.

As a result, I have tried to pay attention to those quiet little circumstances over the last few months.  Although the circumstances that happen every day seem very mundane, they can, like a slow drip, give birth to a mindset that can erode peace.  

All of it has made me wonder.

In the face of excess, how does it affect my ego and what I think I deserve?  How do my expectations of that excess create demands of myself and others in an unrealistic and unhealthy way?  Especially if those expectations tap into the slippery slope of perfectionism which undermines my desire to see myself realistically as well as others mercifully?

As I strive for peace in the new year, I know it starts with gratitude.  That said, gratitude seems to result from allowing vulnerability to flourish.  The more I can see myself as I am -someone who is a bit of a mess and okay with it- the more grateful I am for those things that get me through.  

Faith, beauty, people, and coffee. 🙂  

Happy New Year.  

(If you see me wondering frantically in the grocery store I would very much welcome your help,  Merci.)