Present

Over the past week, I became aware of a handful of heartbreaking losses. An old teammate who was 45 years old. A former colleague and friend who did so much for the local community. An acquaintance who lost his life doing what many of us do every weekend, driving one of his children to one of their activities.  

Each had a name, Pedro, Rich, and Sean. Each is just as tragic. Each is just as gut-wrenching, especially when thinking about their loved ones, particularly their children. I can’t imagine the profound sadness and absence that must be felt in each respective home.

Every death brings about a certain weight and sorrowfulness. Yet, something stings a bit more when the loss happens to someone that we would consider to be “young” with so much life to live. 

It is natural, I suppose, to personalize tragedies to some degree. As a result, we look at our spouses and children a bit more intentionally after hearing this kind of news, hugging them for no reason or just wanting to be close. We tend to listen more intently as they speak to us about their day and are even more understanding of their “teenage attitudes.” On the one hand, tragedies like these leave us with a broken heart of unanswered questions about life, suffering, and death. While on the other hand, it grounds us to a profound sense of the present. An acute awareness of our own lives at the moment, and the people we have in them.

If there is a silver lining to this week, it has been just that. A reminder of the importance of being present. Present to each moment. Present to each person, as I speak or more importantly as I listen. Present to each emotion that I feel without judgment. To fight past regrets and the shame that comes with them. While at the same time, resist the dreams of the future for fear of avoiding the here and now.  

I am not sure anymore what it means to live a full life. What I do know is that it certainly has nothing to do with status in any form. It also doesn’t seem to rely upon extensive experiences that we all spend so much time grasping for either. Instead, maybe a full life is to have the ability to stay as present as possible, over and over again. To experience every second with astute gratefulness for nothing more than to be aware of our lives at the present moment. And in so by doing, over time, those seconds turn into minutes, hours, days, and years, resulting in a full life.  

My heart breaks for those who lost someone profound in their lives, especially these particular families, this week. My prayers are with them, especially considering we are entering into the holidays.  

Maybe we can give all those who have lost someone recently in our lives a different kind of “present” this year… an openness to a life fully lived, that is, a life that is grateful in the present.