Year Two

And just like that, the second year has come and gone. It is hard to believe that we have been calling Switzerland our home now for two years. This year was a wonderful year of travel (5 different countries), many great family visits, and tremendous growth and experiences for our two boys.

Although there is much that is the same from our first year (here is a link to that list), namely, the beauty of the country, the balanced pace of life, and especially making sure that we have 2 CHF on us at all times for the WC, things have definitely changed a bit during our second year. Things that you can never foresee or prepare for but things that make life worth living.

This list is not as long as last year, but it is a list that reflects our reality at this time in our lives. A list that reflects more of a true picture of our day-to-day experiences.

1) The Honeymoon is Over:

I suppose that the natural human reaction to new experiences, especially experiences that have been as positive as this has been, is that things appear to be perfect in the beginning stages. The pace of life, the beauty, the cleanliness, the secure feeling of being safe all attributed to us enjoying our first year in Switzerland. It really did feel like the honeymoon stage of our time here. Yet, like all things, reality helps to dissipate any illusions that you may have, and you begin to see things as they really are while noticing things that have always been present.

With the recent worldwide discussion and debate over the refugee crisis, immigration, and now policies that influence and affect these issues, we certainly have seen first-hand what being an ex-pat in a foreign country feels like in light of these important discussions. This is not intended to be a political point, nor an economic one, nor a point either for or against matters of national security, rather, a social and humane point where going to the grocery store, trying to navigate parking, dropping your kids off at sporting events, standing in line for just about anything, all potentially become a spotlight to the fact that you are not from here. In other words, your everyday comings and goings become the opportunity to feel ostracized and different. Beyond the natural differences and self-consciousness that the language opposes on you in your everyday life here, even more so, many times without any previous instructions or explanations given, the major rift you feel is when you don’t know “how” to do things.

Before I go on, let me say that we have had a positive experience with the Swiss people. First and foremost, our neighbors have become like “family.” Our son’s football (soccer) coaches and families from his team have taken us in as one of their own. As well as the many families and people that we have gotten to know through school, my wife’s job, and the community at large. They all have been nothing short of wonderful. That said, there are multiple times throughout the day when you get the feeling and then confirmed by a comment that you are not doing things the way they should. Whether that is walking six inches off of the designated crossing area while crossing the street, sitting in your car for more than 3 seconds with the ignition turned on, or not bagging your groceries fast enough, there are times when you feel like you don’t belong. And when this feeling is a part of your daily life, it begins to wear you down a bit.

This uncomfortable feeling has become such a part of our daily life and experience that it becomes part of you. This is why our neighbors, football experiences, and the Swiss families from our school and work have been crucial to our daily well-being because they represent Switzerland in a way that I think is true and real. And yet, the feeling of not belonging also represents our day-to-day life here as well. So much so that minimally, we are “living out” the worldwide debate regarding immigration every day. A feeling and reality that thousands in my own country of America are sadly living out as well.

In the end, this reality of always feeling like you don’t belong has been a beautiful thing for us to experience and endure, especially for my two boys, because when we do come back, we can better connect with “those who don’t belong” in the States. For it will be our joint feeling of exclusion that will become the joint connection of inclusion.

2) Adventure: Loss of Control

Many writers from all walks of faith in the spiritual world suggest that the way into a deeper spiritual experience is to recognize that we are personally out of control. Only then will we be open to a much bigger presence and in total control. Therefore, it is precisely our “out of controlness” that leads us into experiencing a newness of life.

This formula has certainly held for our adventures in Switzerland as well. More so than ever, the feeling of being out of control, or feeling at the very least losing control, has been a blessing on many levels as long as it has been safe. A blessing because it has allowed us to experience a fresh look at life.

As parents, we have let go more and more to allow our two boys room to grow. Of course, they make many more mistakes as they go because of this, but it has been wonderful to watch them experience who they are and what they enjoy for themselves. That said, Switzerland’s culture towards children certainly has helped us to let go even when we don’t necessarily want to. (Parents here are not allowed to drive their kids to the Swiss schools…even as young as kindergarten, children walk up and down hills that even I resist walking, and yet they do it in all weather conditions a couple of times a day.)

Traveling has helped us let go of being in control as well. Whether it is at the mercy of the weather, unexpected delays, or anything else that might come up, traveling has forced us to deal with our attachment to control the outcome. This has allowed us to see and experience wonderful new places, sights, people, and cultures that we may not have seen if we decided to do things the way we always wanted to do them.

Recognizing how little we actually do control is a freeing experience. An experience that living abroad has forced us to undergo because it changes how we view ourselves, others, and life so drastically that it has opened the door to experience the good, the true, and the beautiful. Speaking of change…

3) Change: Resistance vs. Reality

During a visit home to the States in our first year living in Switzerland, I vividly remember a statement that was said to me by someone who had lived abroad earlier in her life. She said very matter-of-factly, “that time changed me.”

At the time, we were only six months into our tenure here in Switzerland, but I remember thinking how much I resisted change. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a bit scary. But the change I was most resisting was the change within myself…partly because I could already sense that it was happening. (And maybe more so, I feared what others would now think of this change.)

Fast forward to today, and I would say one of the most common discussions between ex-pats while talking about either a visit back to our home countries or gearing up to make the permanent move back is how best to deal with the change. We know that we have changed. The lives of others where we have come from have also moved on, rightly so. And we are left with the notion that visiting or moving back is about figuring out where you fit in again. Subsequently, this good and necessary change and part of being human brings other emotions and feelings to the surface.

Having been given this opportunity in which we are so very blessed to have been given, there are times when we feel like we need to apologize for leaving. Whether it is the pictures of our adventures or succumbing to the necessary and good change, there are times when we feel that some are waiting for us to say “I’m sorry.” Sorry for coming here, to begin with, sorry for doing things while we are here (day trips, traveling, etc.), and then sorry for not being the same as we were the day we shouldn’t have left to begin with.  That being said, we will probably feel those same feelings when we eventually return, desiring others to be still the same as when we left.

Change is never easy. But it is necessary. It is a part of being human. And for those on the spiritual journey, necessary. Living abroad only intensifies and jump-starts this change in many ways. This second year has only made this reality even clearer. A reality in which we are finally beginning to be comfortable.

Two years living in Switzerland have come and gone, and the word that still comes to mind for all of us is grateful. Grateful for the many opportunities. Grateful for the many hardships. Grateful for our families in the States. Grateful for our new friends in Switzerland and old friends in America. Grateful for our lives.

This year has been a reality check for us in many ways, but it has in no way diminished our gratitude for the opportunity to call Switzerland our temporary home.

So here is to more adventures.

Here is to more relationships.

Here is to more change.

Here is to year 3!!!

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”
– St. John of the Cross