School, Dependence, and Paradox

Getting older allows you to experience things you thought were steadfast in your intellect but could never quite articulate or put into words.

This certainly has been true as I find peace within paradox.

Paradox:

something (such as a situation) that is made up of two opposite things and that seems impossible but is actually true or possible

-Merriam Webster

I have always felt that paradox holds great truth. However, until you live it, truth can only find a home within the narrow confines of your mind, never being tested by the rigors of your everyday life.

There have been plenty of examples in my life that only make sense when considered in the context of paradox. And yet, the truth found here is not something that is within me to grasp. It comes to light when I immerse my life in something bigger than me: my faith, a faith rooted in mystery and paradox.

You, Lord, are both lamb and shepherd.

You, Lord, are both prince and slave.

You, peacemaker and sword-bringer of the way you took and gave.

You, the everlasting instant; you, whom we both scorn and crave.

-Taken from the hymn, Christus Paradox, by Sylvia G. Dunstan

My two boys started their respective school years last week. Like most families, it is a time of excitement and/or sadness, depending on who you ask.

For me, however, this year was certainly different.

Although this is the first time we have experienced the beginning of a school year in Switzerland, what made this year different for me was that it was my first school year as a stay-at-home father.

The boys and I had a great summer. We went swimming. We went on adventures together. We traveled halfway around the globe and back as a family. It was the first time I experienced being home full-time, and it was a lot of fun.

Then school started. And it hit me.

I spent most of the summer attempting to help my seven-year-old son become more self-reliant, primarily while serving the needs of a four-year-old who still depended on me for the most basic human needs, like getting him milk.

We spend our lives caring and loving our children so they don’t need us one day. What a paradox.

My only hope is that when my boys are old enough to realize that they don’t need my wife and me, they come to see that it is because they know they are loved unconditionally.

And yet, the great paradox of their lives will be when they become self-reliant and stand on their own two feet; they come to see that self-reliance is only sustained when they become dependent on their Heavenly Father, who created them.

For it is within that dependence… they will become men.

And what a wonderful paradox to live in.