School, Dependence, and Paradox

Getting older allows you to experience things that you thought were true all along within your intellect, but never could quite articulate or put into words.

This certainly has been true in my case as I find peace within paradox.

Paradox:

something (such as a situation) that is made up of two opposite things and that seems impossible but is actually true or possible

-Merriam Webster

I have always felt there was great truth in paradox, but until you live it, truth can only find a home within the narrow confines of your mind, never being tested to the rigors of your everyday life.

There have been plenty of examples in my life that only make sense when put in the context of paradox. And yet, the truth found here is not something that is within me to grasp, rather something that comes to light from immersing my life into something bigger than me, my faith. A faith rooted in mystery and paradox.

You, Lord, are both lamb and shepherd.

You, Lord, are both prince and slave.

You, peacemaker and sword-bringer of the way you took and gave.

You, the everlasting instant; you, whom we both scorn and crave.

-Taken from the hymn, Christus Paradox, by Sylvia G. Dunstan

My two boys started their respective school years last week. Like most families, it is a time of excitement and/or sadness, depending on who you ask.

For me however, this year was certainly different.

Although this is the first time we have experienced the beginning of a school year in Switzerland, what made this year different for me was that this was the first school year as a stay at home father.

The boys and I had a great summer. We went swimming. We went on adventures together. We traveled half way around the globe and back as a family. It was the first time that I experienced being home full time, and it was a lot of fun.

Then school started. And it hit me.

I spent most of the summer attempting, especially with my seven year old, to help him become more self-reliant. While at the same time serving the needs of a four year old who depended on me still for the most basic human needs, like getting him milk.

We spend our lives caring and loving our children so that one day they don’t need us. What a paradox.

My only hope is that when my boys are old enough to realize that they don’t need my wife and me, they come to see that is because they know they are loved unconditionally.

And yet, the great paradox of their lives will be when they do become self-reliant and standing on their own two feet, they come to see that self-reliance is only sustained when they become totally dependent on their Heavenly Father who created them.

For it is within that dependence… they will become men.

And what a wonderful paradox to live in.