Year Two

And just like that, the second year has come and gone. It is hard to believe that we have called Switzerland home for two years. This year was an incredible year of travel (5 different countries), many great family visits, and tremendous growth and experiences for our two boys.

Although much has remained the same from our first year (here is a link to that list), namely, the beauty of the country, the balanced pace of life, and especially making sure that we always have 2 CHF on us at all times for the WC, things have changed a bit during our second year—things that you can never foresee or prepare for but things that make life worth living.

This list is shorter than last year, but it is a list that reflects our reality at this time in our lives. A list that reflects more of an accurate picture of our day-to-day experiences.

1) The Honeymoon is Over:

The natural human reaction to new experiences, especially experiences that have been as positive as this, is that things appear to be perfect in the beginning stages. The pace of life, the beauty, the cleanliness, and the secure feeling of being safe all contributed to us enjoying our first year in Switzerland. It did feel like the honeymoon stage of our time here. Yet, like all things, reality helps dissipate any illusions you may have, and you begin to see things as they really are while noticing things that have always been present.

With the recent worldwide discussion and debate over the refugee crisis, immigration, and now policies that influence and affect these issues, we certainly have seen first-hand what being an ex-pat in a foreign country feels like in light of these critical discussions. This is not intended to be a political point, nor an economic one, nor a point either for or against matters of national security; instead, it is a social and humane point where going to the grocery store, trying to navigate parking, dropping your kids off at sporting events, standing in line for just about anything, all potentially become a spotlight to the fact that you are not from here. In other words, your everyday comings and goings become the opportunity to feel ostracized and different. Beyond the natural differences and self-consciousness that the language opposes on you in your everyday life here, even more so, many times without any previous instructions or explanations, you feel the central rift when you don’t know “how” to do things.

Before I go on, let me say that we have had a positive experience with the Swiss people. First and foremost, our neighbors have become like “family.” Our son’s football (soccer) coaches and families from his team have taken us in as one of their own, as well as the many families and people we have gotten to know through school, my wife’s job, and the community. They all have been nothing short of incredible. That said, multiple times throughout the day, you get the feeling and then confirm by a comment that you are not doing things the way they should. Whether walking six inches off the designated crossing area while crossing the street, sitting in your car for more than 3 seconds with the ignition turned on, or not bagging your groceries fast enough, there are times when you feel like you don’t belong. And when this feeling is a part of your daily life, it wears you down a bit.

This uncomfortable feeling has become such a part of our daily life and experience that it has become part of us. Our neighbors, football experiences, and the Swiss families from our school and work have been crucial to our daily well-being. They represent Switzerland in a way that is true and real. Yet, the feeling of not belonging also represents our day-to-day life here. So much so that minimally, we are “living out” the worldwide debate regarding immigration every day. A feeling and reality that thousands in my own country of America are sadly living out as well.

Ultimately, this reality of constantly feeling like you don’t belong has been beautiful for us to experience and endure, especially for my two boys. When we return, we can better connect with “those who don’t belong” in the States, for our joint feeling of exclusion will become our joint connection of inclusion.

2) Adventure: Loss of Control

Many spiritual writers from all walks of faith suggest that the way to a more profound spiritual experience is to recognize that we are personally out of control. Only then will we be open to a much more significant presence that is in total control. Therefore, our “out-of-control ” state leads us to experience a newness of life.

This formula undoubtedly applies to our adventures in Switzerland as well. More so than ever, the feeling of being out of control, or at the very least losing control, has been a blessing on many levels as long as it has been safe. It has allowed us to experience a fresh look at life.

As parents, we have let go more and more to allow our two boys’ room to grow. Of course, they make many more mistakes as they go because of this, but it has been wonderful to watch them experience who they are and what they enjoy for themselves. That said, Switzerland’s culture towards children has helped us let go even when we don’t necessarily want to. (Parents here are not allowed to drive their kids to the Swiss schools…even as young as kindergarten, children walk up and down hills that even I resist walking, and yet they do it in all weather conditions a couple of times a day.)

Traveling has also helped us let go of being in control. Whether we are at the mercy of the weather, unexpected delays, or anything else that might come up, traveling has forced us to deal with our attachment to controlling the outcome. This has allowed us to see and experience wonderful new places, sights, people, and cultures that we may have yet to see if we decided to do things the way we always wanted to do them.

Recognizing how little we can control is a freeing experience. Living abroad has forced us to undergo this. It drastically changes how we view ourselves, others, and life, opening the door to experience the good, the true, and the beautiful. Speaking of change…

3) Change: Resistance vs. Reality

During a visit home to the States in our first year living in Switzerland, I vividly remember a statement that was said to me by someone who had lived abroad earlier in her life. She said very matter-of-factly, “That time changed me.”

At the time, we were only six months into our tenure here in Switzerland, but I remember thinking how much I resisted change. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a bit scary. But the change I most resisted was the change within myself…partly because I could already sense it was happening. (Maybe more so, I feared what others would now think of this change.)

Fast forward to today, and one of the most common discussions between ex-pats about visiting our home countries or gearing up to make the permanent move back is how best to deal with the change. We know that we have changed. The lives of others where we have come from have also moved on, rightly so. And we are left with the notion that visiting or moving back is about figuring out where you fit in again. Subsequently, this reasonable and necessary change and part of being human brings other emotions and feelings to the surface.

Having been given this opportunity, which we are so very blessed to have been given, there are times when we feel like we need to apologize for leaving. Whether it is the pictures of our adventures or succumbing to the necessary change, there are times when we think that someone is waiting for us to say, “I’m sorry.” Sorry for coming here, to begin with, sorry for doing things while we are here (day trips, traveling, etc.), and sorry for not being the same as we were the day we shouldn’t have left.  That said, we will probably feel those same feelings when we eventually return, desiring others to be still the same as when we left.

Change is always challenging, but it is necessary. It is a part of being human and essential for those on the spiritual journey. Living abroad only intensifies and jump-starts this change in many ways. This second year has only made this reality even more evident. A reality in which we are finally beginning to be comfortable.

Two years of living in Switzerland have come and gone, and grateful is the word that still comes to mind. Grateful for the many opportunities. Grateful for the many hardships. Grateful for our families in the States. Grateful for our new friends in Switzerland and old friends in America. Grateful for our lives.

This year has been a reality check for us in many ways, but it has in no way diminished our gratitude for the opportunity to call Switzerland our temporary home.

So here is to more adventures.

Here is to more relationships.

Here is to more change.

Here is to year 3!!!

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”
– St. John of the Cross