Age of Wisdom

There seems to be great freedom that comes when you get older. I remember reading an article a year or so ago that suggests that those in their 60’s and 70’s were the most content and happy. Fascinating.

I am reminded of a gentleman who used to walk the neighborhood around my boy’s school. I would always take notice of him and watch him. In some ways I guess I was marveling at the possibility of being like him one day. He was always alone and walked at a very slow pace with his cane and cigar. He never said a word, rather he just observed. Plus he had a very cool hat that he would wear during the colder months.

What was it about him? That age? That contentment?

There is certainly something to be said about being retired and not having the same responsibilities that one might have in their younger years. The craziness of the daily schedules with kids and work certainly have their effects on our peace and tranquility. That said, there might be something more as well. Inner freedom and contentment that is open to all of us.

With age hopefully comes wisdom. A pearl of wisdom you just can’t acquire without living. Or maybe more so, paying attention to living.

It seems to me wisdom is more about observing than actively learning. It’s about going inward rather than staying outward. It’s doing the real work of life which is seeing yourself as you are and not what you wished you were.

It’s freedom.

Yet, as they say, freedom doesn’t come free.

The work of seeing yourself from the inside is excruciating. Sometimes it takes the mid-life thing to kickstart the real work of life. In other words, life has a way of forcing us to look at ourselves truthfully.

Seeing yourself as the complete mess that you are for the first time is a scary place. Especially when you have all of the cultural boxes checked off. You are considered to be a nice person. You go to church. You exercise and look good for your age. You have the house. You have the cars. You have the wardrobe. And of course, you have the social media accounts to highlight all of these things. Then comes that moment when all of it doesn’t seem to work anymore and life feels like it is crushing you from the outside in. You physically can’t breathe and your mind feels like it is foggy. You feel completely exposed. Naked. Yet everyone around you still sees the same person they always did.

For me, it took a wise man in his sixties to help me begin to see the truth. I will never forget him sitting so calmly across from me as I exposed my innermost messiness to him. With what felt like an hour of me unloading my fears and shortcomings, feeling completely vulnerable, he finally responded with a question. “How old are you?” “36”, I said. To which he says, “ehhh I was 37” with a smirk.

Although it took years of serious inner work that is still ongoing, that moment was the moment I had first experienced freedom. The freedom of knowing the game was up. I was a mess, I saw it, and it was ok. Such grace.

This kind of discovery is life-changing. It is life-changing because you begin to stop comparing your inside messiness to other people’s outer “togetherness”. The fact is we all are messy and it’s ok. That’s where true communion is possible.

It also allows you to enjoy life a bit too. The house, the car, the vacations, the wardrobe, all of that stuff that doesn’t matter much can be enjoyed for what they are. Stuff to be enjoyed. Whether you have it and want to post it on social media or not, it simply doesn’t matter too much. The big deal is the freedom that comes when you begin to see yourself as you are and be ok with it. Oh, and you also realize that the self-help stuff is ok too, but what you really need is a Savior.

I might hold off on the cane for a while, but that stroll with a cigar, sporting a cool hat, sounds perfect. Enjoying life. Observing. Feeling free.